


Life finds a way

by NatalieRyan



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Angst, Episode: s06e12 Daddy's Little Girl, Gen, Grave Danger references, Nick and Grissom talk, Nick is not okay, Nothing too explicit, Reflection, just vague references, post episode fan fiction, reflection of the consequences of the trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25659673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalieRyan/pseuds/NatalieRyan
Summary: Post episode fan fiction for CSI 6x12.
Relationships: Gil Grissom & Nick Stokes
Comments: 10
Kudos: 12





	Life finds a way

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SabbyStarlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabbyStarlight/gifts), [Lunedd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunedd/gifts).



> I started re-watching CSI at some point during quarantine when I caught the reruns and since I was in the middle of watching MacGyver back then it was a treat to watch George in both shows, until there was only CSI to provide me with my daily dose of this wonderful man. When I first watched 6x12, I realized I somehow missed this ep in my initial watch years ago and I immediately got this idea that morphed into this story.  
> I'm in the middle of writing my next MacGyver fic, but I couldn't let this plot bunny escape after months of sleeping on this idea. It turned out just the way I liked it to be, and because I needed some ramifications and for Nick to realize that he is most definitely not okay, I wrote it myself.  
> (Just for the record, Grave Danger is my most favorite ep out of all).  
> References to the events from GD + some angst + a Nick and Grissom talk.  
> Hope you enjoy it and let's see what my brain has to say about future CSI fics. So far this was the only idea and I got it out of my system.  
> Dedicated to my best friend and SabbyStarlight that let me ramble about Nick way too much :) ♥♥

Nick was in shock. He could feel it, seeping into his bones, paralyzing him, rooting him to the spot. He watched as Sofia tried one last attempt of CPR on Kelly. It was needless. Kelly Gordon was dead. 

Nick barely managed to get to the hall before he crumbled on the floor and rested his head against the cold wall. He thought that maybe if he let the shock pass by itself, he would be okay. 

He'd seen people die before, it wasn't like he needed to adjust to the fact that people were dying. It was what people did. They died. And after they did, the CSIs and the police took their lives apart to figure out what happened to them. Bring them justice. Peace to their families. 

Nick's thoughts strayed to his talk with Grissom, how it was all over. But Nick knew deep inside that it'd never be over. It'd never relinquish the hold it had on him. The little twitches when he heard the hissing sounds of air being pumped in through oxygen masks, too similar to the warbled sound of the fan that kept him alive in that box. The too bright lights it took him months to adjust back to.

Like a baby foal, trying to walk on his own, re-learning how to be a CSI, adjusting to the light, sometimes too bright. Learning how to live with the nightmares of that fateful night... how to pretend he was okay, pretend he got enough sleep and that he wasn't crying whenever he saw his reflection in the mirror and saw a haunted Nick, one he didn't know before. One that was the sadder version of himself. 

Vulnerable. 

Weak. 

Pathetic. 

Nick tried to push himself up to standing, but he realized that he was trembling as well so he stayed put. There were voices around him, but he couldn't hear past the buzzing in his ears. It was getting louder, overwhelming him, so Nick closed his ears with his hands and rested his head on his knees. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his erratic heartbeat. 

Breathe in. Hold it. Exhale. Repeat. 

It didn't take long for him to do it. But it still left him rattled. And if anyone told Grissom, then Grissom would know. Griss would know Nick lied that he was okay. That it was over. He only wanted to forget. That it never happened. 

No such luck.

In reality, Nick would have been able to get over his kidnapping if it was just that. But his ordeal was so much more than that. And every day he turned up at work, seeing familiar people, he could see it on all their faces. The long, drawn out looks, accessing him, trying to figure out if he was okay, if he needed help. The pity, the sympathy, the stifling presence of his co-workers that never spent time so close to him before. Warrick's guilt and heartbreak over Nick bending himself backwards and forwards so he could come back. Bypassing his emotional walls and not letting Nick suffer in silence. But that wasn't on Rick to take upon himself, Nick had to do it on his own. Battle his own demons, pick his fights. Make the best out of it. 

At the end of the day, Nick was the one that fell for the easiness of the crime scene. Nick got kidnapped. Nick was the one that was buried alive. He was the one that lived through it and got to tell the story. Well, not exactly 'tell' since he never spoke about it with anyone, but knowing they had a live feed with him struggling on the screen, courtesy of the message Walter Gordon sent to them, Nick felt like he didn't have to. They knew. It was all there. He was stripped of the privacy to suffer in silence. He was just another victim of circumstances. 

Before his brain got caught in a loop, again, there was a light tough on his knee. Nick slowly looked up and saw Grissom was crouched on the floor, eyes tracking Nick with precise movements. Accessing him. Gauging the state Nick was in. Nick wanted to laugh and scream. Because that's what he did as well. His job was to observe, to watch, to learn and to discover what made people tick. What led to them doing whatever it was that they were doing that got them on their radar. And he learned from the best. 

"C'mon, Nicky. Let's get you home." 

Nick let himself be helped out by his supervisor. Grissom steadied him and they slowly moved towards the exit. Nick didn't pay attention to the cops surrounding the place, his only goal was to walk to the Denali, get inside and just get the hell out of this place. Forget today even existed. Forget that he was bursting at the seams. That this wasn't something that could be easily patched up. 

He was damaged. Broken. Victim. A ghost. And now Grissom would be truly angry. 

Grissom got in the driver's seat and stayed there, unmoving for a moment. Nick didn't have the strength to look at him, and see what he should get ready for. 

"I'm sorry." What got out of Grissom's mouth and Nick turned around to face him so fast he gave himself whiplash. 

Closing his eyes, taking a deep breath, Nick willed words to collaborate with him. 

"What for?" 

"For not seeing that you are not okay."

"What are you talking about? I'm fine." 

"You are not. And before you deny that, Nick, know that I can read you well." 

There was a pregnant pause before Grissom continued. 

"You know that I am not the best at expressing my feelings and concerns. I am learning every day that not always people understand my ways of seeing things. That sometimes my ways of doing things are not socially acceptable or what you'd call, quirky. But, I do know that one of my best people on the job is barely holding it together and I shouldn't have assumed that just because the monster who wronged him is dead, that it's okay and over.

"It's not over. It won't be over for a long time. But it will get bearable. You can get through this. You will get through this. And I will personally take care that you do." 

"You don't have to..." Nick's voice broke and he cursed himself for being overly emotional because it just dug him a deeper hole, pun not intended. 

There was a hand on his shoulder and Grissom squeezed gently. 

"I want to. And it's okay if you need help. Or time. I knew it was too soon for you to get back, but I also knew that you needed the normalcy this job brought to you. I figured you needed the fresh start. But that ends now." 

"I can't just... I have a job to do. If I just stop and take time off every time I get triggered by something..." Nick's voice hitched and he wasn't gonna cry, dammit! 

"That's exactly what you are going to do, Nick. What happened today served as a reminder that we are all human. And I'll make sure all of us get that time off when we need it. No matter what. Sometimes we have to put ourselves first. Because if we are not on top of our game, our work suffers. And then we make mistakes." 

"Do you think that he would have grabbed me even if I didn't go to that crime scene? We flipped a coin, me and Rick, jus' before..." 

Grissom looked at him with a strange look and Nick wished for once that Grissom wasn't such an enigma to him. That he could read Grissom and know what he was thinking.

"The truth is, we can't predict anything that happens, Nick. Life is a series of actions we take, sometimes calculated, sometimes not. We may find ourselves victims of opportunity or random victims. We all fit into a pattern in someone else's mind. Somehow they latch on to us, make plans revolving around us. That can be both good and bad, but we can't possibly know. It just happens." 

"Life, right?" 

"Yes. Both curse and a blessing. As long as we don't let it overwhelm us, I think we can make the most out of it. Find the beauty of it. Nature. Animals. Love." 

Nick let Grissom's words wash over him and realized that Grissom was right. He was spiraling out and needed to put his foot on the brake. Live his life a little. Come to terms with what happened. 

"Thank you, Griss. I... thank you." 

"Don't mention it." 

Grissom started the car and as the vehicle peeled off the motel's driveway, Nick looked out of the window. There were so many things to be discussed and to be said. Life was a road often paved with thorns, and they all had to get through them somehow, anyhow. Life was beautiful and it didn't end just because some crazy person happened to choose Nick as someone to pick on and ruin his life. Nick wasn't gonna let him. He was going to take that time off. Reassess. Reevaluate. Relearn how to live. Make peace with himself and what happened. This time he wasn't alone. 

And he was going to take it one step at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
